life with the beckhams

2003-11-24T18:26:00.000Z

time delay
Well the day started badly. I got to the Stadium at 7.00am and found that it was completely deserted. After waiting for a couple of hours, I started to get worried so I rang Zizu. Some girl answered and when she put Zizu on the line, he swore at me in French and told me he was changing his number!
Then one of the Lotto blokes turned up and helped me translate the instructions for the Albacete game. Apparently the game was at home and we were to report in at 7.00 PM !!!
Well there was no point going back to the hotel, so I went to an internet café and tried to contact Ryan on his hotmail address. In the papers it said that he had been left out again on Saturday, and I thought I'd check to see if he had been caught mucking about in the Warner Brothers store again. Welsh Boy didn't respond so I went back to the stadium and had a little sleep.
Things got better though! In the game I hit a stormer to give us the lead, and even Zizu said it was a reasonable goal. That's big praise from him! I'm still confused about missing the World Cup, but now it's time for Johnny Bravo on the Cartoon Network. I love that guy!

2003-11-23T13:18:00.000Z

que?
It was easier last season. I used to just ask Gary where we were going and he'd say "Leeds" or "Southampton", or wherever, and then I'd get on with playing Connect 4 with Ryan at the back of the coach. Ryan used to cheat like crazy. If he was losing, he pretend we'd gone over a bump in the road, and the next thing you knew, the whole game would be on the floor, and he'd say, "Oh, let's start again Johnny English!".
Anyway, after training yesterday, we were handed a sheet of instructions telling us to report at the stadium at 7.00am, because we're away at Albacete Balompie. I asked Zizu if he knew where that was but he just said something about me going back to school. Hey - doesn't he know I've got qualifications? Say what you like but no-one can take that Leytonstone under-nines swimming club badge away from me.

2003-11-22T12:45:00.000Z

finally facing my waterloo
Well now I'm completely confused. Brooklyn and Romeo woke me up this morning and told me England have won the World Cup. I didn't even know it was that time again. I called Zizu but he was his normal grumpy self and put the phone down without explaining it to me.
How can they have a World Cup without me? I could have got some good sponsorships out of this too. Anyway, even though I was a bit scared, I phoned Sven on his mobile, but I just got that ABBA song on his voice mail, so I'm none the wiser.
On to more important news - el Corte Ingles delivered my new Jimmy Neutron DVD this morning, so I won't be bored today!

2003-11-21T10:45:00.000Z

the princess royal
I'd never heard of this woman before. Anna Nova - she's organising a penalty shootout competition between Gazza and me.
And guess what! Princess Anne is going to be in goal!
Apparently the BBC is going to show this, so I'm going to ring Ryan and make sure he videotapes it. They haven't told me yet whether we're doing this shoot out in Madrid or back in England. Brooklyn has set up my hotel room so I can watch British tv, but apparently they charge me 250,000.00 pesetas an hour for this service. I had a Diet Pepsi from the minibar last week, and when Brooklyn was reconciling the accounts he told me that it was non tax deductible. So there's another 50,000.00 pesetas gone. I have no idea how much that is, but it sounds like quite a lot.
Oh well, time for Rugrats on the Cartoon Network...

2003-11-20T20:08:00.000Z

talking to myself
This is funny. Well I told Ryan about it and he laughed. I've been writing this diary for the last eighteen months and I've forgotten to press the 'publish' button every day.
Ryan was a bit down when I called him on his mobile, because he's not going to Portugal next year. Serves him right! I told him to transfer to England yonks ago, but he said that Sven just muttered something in some foreign language when he mentioned it to him.
I signed some more books yesterday. It's very tiring. Imagine having to write your name at least twenty times! It took me hours. Brooklyn says using a crayon is childish. Like he knows! Mr Smarty Laptop!

2002-03-05T19:25:00.000Z

birthday boy
Well it was Brooklyn's third birthday yesterday, and it was a bit useless to tell you the truth. I was hoping we'd go to McDonalds for a special birthday treat, and I thought Victoria might let me 'go large', as it was a special day, but all Brooklyn wanted to do was work on his new laptop.
He spent all day transferring all the information he had on his 'palm pilot' onto his new computer.
Boring!
Anyway, it gave me a chance to finish my jigsaw. This was quite a tough challenge. It had 16 pieces, which is quite a lot. Brooklyn counted them all for me. It just goes to show up all of those people that say I'm thick, just how wrong I can prove them to be!
You see, I finished this jigsaw in just under three months, and I reckon that's pretty good going, 'cos on the box it says, "2 - 4 years".

2002-03-04T07:58:00.000Z

being victoria
Last year, we had all these cameramen in the house for absolutely yonks. I thought it was some security thing, but apparently it was a film crew recording Victoria's lifestyle.
Anyway, last night I was watching a video, "The Madness of Fabien", and Brooklyn was playing computer chess, when Victoria told us that this documentary was being shown tonight on tv. She said that she was worried that she "may have said too much".
Brooklyn said "Plus ca change!".
I wonder what he meant?

2002-03-02T11:44:00.000Z

beep beep!
You can tell how much trouble you're in with the Boss, depending on the colour of his face.
Pink and blotchy, you might just get away with being growled at.
Red and starey eyes - you've just scored an own goal in the Champions League.
Purple face and veins bursting - run for it.
Ryan and I got called into the Boss' office at The Cliff and we knew we were 'for it' when we saw he was in full 'nuclear mode'.
Apparently we'd been seen mucking about in the Trafford Centre, and been caught on CCTV. It's so unfair because we were only playing. You see, I don't like the Disney Store because it's all 'Cinderella and the Seven Dwarves' and stuff - girls' things. So we moved on to the Warner Brothers store because they have all the good stuff and a giant video screen where they show non-stop cartoons!
I suppose Ryan and I did get carried away a bit - we were playing 'Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote'. I was Roadrunner!
Anyway, I think we were being a bit disruptive, 'cos they told us to leave in the end.
The good news is that the Boss promised not to tell Victoria, because he knows what she's like, but I think he's going to phone Ryan's mum, and dob him in. Haha! Bad luck Welshboy!

2002-03-01T09:40:00.000Z

anthea bloody turner
Brooklyn and I knew we were in trouble as soon as one of Victoria's ladies-in-waiting told us there was to be a 'family strategy meeting' at 5.30 last night. I was a bit upset because 5.30 is 'Dexter' time on the Cartoon Network, but we knew we couldn't be late.
So we sat at the table in one of the kitchens and Victoria explained that she has been taking advice from this book, "Top Tips for Homemakers and Housewives" by Anthea Turner. Apparently it got a good review in 'Hello'.
Anyway, the book says that once a woman reaches her second month of pregnancy, she should have three 5 hour periods of bed-rest per day. When you add in Victoria's scheduled nine hours of sleep time, that means she has to spend the next seven months in bed.
Brooklyn piped up, "So, what's different Mummy?", but he got one of Victoria's 'looks', so we knew better than to ask questions.
With that the conference was over and Victoria's people told us we could go back to our activities.
Brooklyn wanted to catch the closing stock market reports on Sky News so I had to miss 'Tom and Jerry'. I didn't tell Brooklyn but I didn't mind missing it. 'Tom and Jerry' give me nightmares.

2002-02-28T10:26:00.000Z

not Simeone
We only had to go in for light training yesterday after we beat those Nantes blokes. Well I wasn't allowed to go home because Victoria had a business meeting with her 'strategy team', so Ryan and I wandered round the Trafford Centre. Do you know, I found out the most amazing piece of news? You will be simply astonished by this!
Ryan told me that Juan Sebastian Veron isn't even English!
Huh! This bloke that nicked my place is from abroad. Ryan said he is from Argentina, and I wondered if he was the chap who gave me all that bother in '98 - but apparently he's not the same bloke.
We had a little bit of a laugh about it, because Ryan asked me why I hadn't noticed that Juan talks differently to us, and I said that if you've had Gary Neville as a room-mate for eight years, you get used to people talking funny!
Anyway, I got straight onto my mobile phone (guess what ring tone I've got? Yeah - Rugrats!!!) to tell the Boss about Juan being from Argentina, because I reckoned he should know about this.
He said, "OK son, why don't you go home and watch the Cartoon Channel?", which was kind of him.
So I went home and watched 'Johnny Bravo'. It was magic.

2002-02-27T07:33:00.000Z

rugrats on limited edition!
I feared the worst when those Nantes blokes went a goal up. I always hate the thought of going into the dressing room at half time if we're losing. The Boss gets very red in the face.
Anyway, we got this free kick, I shoved Ryan out of the way, and 'zoooom' - in it went.
The thing is, I get so excited when I score, because I've got this great deal with Victoria's people. Every time I score this season, I get a special 'Rugrats' DVD sent over from America! Yes! Sometimes there are episodes that haven't been shown over here yet! I learn all the words.
Now, there's one bit I don't understand. I got Brooklyn to read me some of the match reports out of the bigger papers, this morning.
'The Guardian' says I scored with one of my "trademark free kicks".
Woooohoooo! What a result! I didn't know I could copyright free kicks!
I thought it was just this 'image rights' thing.
You see, I reckon if I copyright free kicks, then each time someone takes one, it can only mean one thing:
More 'Rugrats' DVDs! Yes!

2002-02-26T10:10:00.000Z

electric mail
I thought I had better explain how I can speak to you every day, and I'm betting you're going to be surprised by this!
I'm using this computer I got from Dixons called 'the Internet'. It's like an electronic way of sending letters without a postman! Yes! Amazing, isn't it?
Brooklyn has been showing me how I can keep up to date with the latest news of all my friends. It's quite stunning really.
So that's a little lesson about the Internet for you!
Now here's a funny thing, and quite a coincidence! Tonight we play that team with the funny name, 'Nantes', again. This is so odd because we played them last week too!
Anyway, I bumped into Ryan in the Warner Brothers store in the shopping mall yesterday, and he reckons the Boss has told him he's playing tonight. Do you know what? I'm going to turn up extra early tonight so the Boss knows I'm fit and everything. I might get a game then. Here's hoping!

2002-02-25T10:44:00.000Z

not so smart
I had to set my alarm extra early this morning because Spongebob was on Nickleodeon at 7.00am!! I love that little fella - he has such adventures. I wish I could get Brooklyn to get interested in cartoons; he's always absorbing the Financial Times at that time of the morning. Boring!
Do you know, I had such a disappointment yesterday. I know I'm not able to keep up with Brooklyn's knowledge of world affairs and stuff, so I decided I would start reading the bigger Sunday papers. Now I didn't want to let on, but I don't always understand all them words they write in those 'broadsheet' papers.
So, when I was in Dixons in Alderley Edge on Saturday, I got really excited because they were selling 'Smartmedia Readers'. I thought, "Wahey! all my troubles are over". But when I scanned the reader over The Sunday Times yesterday, it didn't read out one word for me!
What a swizz!

2002-02-24T07:37:00.000Z

close shave
A strange thing happened yesterday. I was just settling down to watch the Powerpuff Girls, with my big bowl of Kellogs Frosties, when Brooklyn told me that our game was kicking off at midday, and not at 3.00pm like everyone else. I think the Boss must just have forgotten to tell me. Anyway, I jumped in one of the cars (I can never remember their names - it was the one with two doors) and dashed off to Old Trafford. I wondered if the Boss was going to play that Veron bloke (I don't like him!), instead of me, but it seems no-one told Ryan it was a 12 o'clock kick off, because he was nowhere to be seen, and so I got a game.
To be honest with you, it was good to be out of the house for a while. Victoria has been really annoyed with me. Some of her maids told me it was because I got my haircut (good deal at Bob the Barbers in Alderley Edge - £5.00 on a Friday!) without talking to her style consultants.

2002-02-23T08:41:00.000Z

pregnant pause
It's quiet in the house this morning. See, Brooklyn and me, we've been tip toe-ing round the last few days. Ever since my Victoria's invitation to The Brits got 'lost in the post', she's had one of her migraines. Poor love, she gets lots of those these days. She keeps saying, "I bet that Sophie Ellis-Bextor's invite didn't get lost!". She really does seem to have something against that Sophie.
Anyway, I know that Victoria was talking to the press yesterday but when I asked her what all that was about she just said, "Read the bloody 'Sun' tomorrow". Well, Brooklyn doesn't like us getting what he calls 'the red tops' but I did get a copy of the 'Sun' and wahey! - apparently we're expecting a baby in September. We're soooo lucky Victoria and I. Soooo lucky that the papers keep us up to date with stuff, cos she may have forgotten to have told me herself, what with all the anxiety about The Brits 'n' all.

2002-02-22T08:51:00.000Z

top marks
All them journalists and that what keep saying me and my Victoria ain't got class will have to eat their words now. Big Time!
I've signed up to be the front man for (wait for this)... Marks and Spencer! Yes, that's right! The top peoples store!
Victoria nearly said she was dead proud of me. I know she's thinking it, anyway.
I'm going to help set up a range of kid's clothing and I intend to get fully involved. You know, send them a signed football and that kind of stuff. I think it's important to show commitment, you know?
I reckon it's a right honour to be asked to do this.
The thing is, when I told Brooklyn about it, he went straight to the Financial Times and looked up Marks and Spencers' share price. I don't know what this meant, but he sat in his high chair just shaking his head. What did he mean, I wonder?

2002-02-20T22:39:00.000Z

queen vic
Phew that was close. I knew I should have tracked back with that bloke. The boss warned us he'd run from deep, but I got distracted by this song that was running through my head. It goes "It's something on the dancefloor, so you'd something kill the groove, dj".
I was singing it at home but Victoria burst into tears and said that she wished Sophie would lose her voice. I didn't understand that. I'll have to ask Brooklyn.
Anyway, we got out of jail with a penalty in the last minute. I looked at the boss to see if I could take it, but Ruud had stepped up and scored, before I could catch his eye.
When I got home late last night Victoria once again showed what a posh bird she is! She had a left a bottle of our favourite red wine cooling in the fridge, and it was from Marks and Spencer! Only the best will do for Victoria.

2002-02-20T07:51:00.000Z

tomato sauce
Victoria had a very stressful time yesterday. She was having lunch and was being rather daring - she had pasta! I think this is an exotic meal from somewhere abroad. Anyway, she spilled some of it on her Jimmy Choos and has been in bed with a 'migraine' ever since. No-one understands the pressure she is under, apparently.
Tonight we play this team called Nantes and they are from abroad too, because we've been told we have to go by airplane. I think it's somewhere in Belgium - is it a town called France? I don't know, and Brooklyn is still in a huff so I can't look it up in his 'Tigger's Bouncing World Atlas'.

2002-02-19T10:06:00.000Z

rugrats
Brooklyn must have got out the wrong side of his cot this morning because he got huffy when I wouldn't let him watch Sky News. How could I ? What's the point in having digital tv if you can't watch the end of the cartoon you're watching? Anyway, Angelica was up to her usual tricks!
I took Victoria's breakfast into her bedroom suite and asked the ladies-in-waiting to open the curtains.
We had a bit of a joke because we play a team called Nantes in the Champions League tomorrow. It was dead funny because I said it sounds like 'pants'.

2002-02-18T18:21:00.000Z

my ankle hurts, a bit
I told the boss my ankle still hurts, but he said I whined more than 'Brooklyn', which is funny really, because how would he know?
After training, Victoria made me watch her interview with Lorraine Kelly from breakfast tv. I'm dead proud of my missus.
We've got Sky Digital at home now. Great! Lots more cartoons!